Why middle school prepared me for leadership
When I was a middle schooler, and I wanted to do something “cool” that my parents opposed, I often heard the following from my mom: “If everyone else is doing it, that’s a good indicator that you shouldn’t be doing it.” I never enjoyed hearing it, but deep down, for the context in question, I knew she was right. It’s not that the behaviors in question were categorically wrong, but the environments in question often bred other potential problems. Her view was that if I stayed away entirely, then I would avoid potential trouble and heartbreak. Honestly, she was right.
That wasn’t the only insight my mom shared. Another common one was, “Character is what you do when no one is looking.” Again, my mom appealed to something beyond the action or desire in question. Rather than focus on the action or desire, she forced me to look at the bigger picture and ask myself questions such as…
Who do I want to be?
What do I want to be known for?
How will I feel if I go down the popular (but likely risky) path?
If the opinions of others don’t reflect who I really am, does that matter?
Do their opinions determine who I am? Or do my actions do that?
I wasn’t the popular kid in school. I didn’t have designer clothes. I’ve never been able to apply edgy makeup or do my hair in stylish ways. I didn’t go to the parties or hang with the popular kids. Sometimes it bothered me…but most of the time, I knew deep down that I wasn’t missing out on life. I was more likely missing out on drama. I had (and still have) a wonderful family and deep friendships. The bottom line is that I knew who I was, and the willingness of others to accept me (or not) didn’t change that. I wasn’t enticed by the idea of being popular; rather, I wanted to make a difference, whether that was popular or not.
Why am I sharing this?
Because I had no idea how lessons learned in middle school would impact my leadership style and skills. The types of questions my mom encouraged me to ask are the same questions we should be answering as leaders. If we are a leader at the top of the organizational structure, then clarification of values should lead to an investment in “the resources to translate these values into observable company culture training,” and training that is not boring! Kannan-Narasimhan continues to state, “it is really when employees themselves are also actively practicing those values that moral leadership is felt most strongly.”
Because organizations are comprised of individuals with differing viewpoints and possibly conflicting values, it is important for moral leaders to be able to dialogue with employees across the spectrum. In most cases, it is possible to find common ground or reframe the values in question. Indeed, it is the moral leader with this skill who is most likely to see the organization strengthened by their leadership.
If your leadership role is not at the top, you are still able to demonstrate moral leadership – both by upholding the values of the organization you serve and by helping your employees understand and support those values as well.
Knowing who we are as individuals, clarifying our own personal ethics, and understanding the values of the organizations we serve are important steps in becoming moral leaders. And when the drama comes (and it will), we will be better positioned to act in ways consistent with personal and organizational values, even if that ends up being unpopular.
Leading an organization and surviving middle school may be more similar than we realized. Reach out to ABL Wise Consulting for support in how you can grow as a moral leader.
Source: The Myths of Moral Leadership by Dr. Rangapriya Kannan-Narasimhan
