The art of asking (and answering) questions
Have you ever been around a toddler and heard the question, “why?” If you have been around a young child at all, then I suspect the answer is yes. Toddlers observe the most routine action, and ask “why does that do that?” Or they are given instructions or direction, and ask “why [should I do that]?” Or they notice something about nature, and ask “why [is it that way]?”
In This is the Real Reasons Kids Ask ‘Why’ So Much – and What to Do About It, Emily Connor shares research regarding toddlers and their endless questions:
Between the ages of 2 and 5, children ask around 40,000 questions.
Their intent is not to annoy their parents (even though that may be the outcome!).
They are learning, and asking questions is a natural way to learn.
Asking questions reflects curiosity and a desire to understand how the world works.
Sometimes children ask questions for other reasons (such as seeking attention or expressing defiance).
I love the suggestions Connor provides for helping children with their questions. We can answer them, be honest if we don’t know the answer, research the answer together with the child, or turn the question back on the child for them to think about. As a professor of college students and as an executive leader, I have utilized these same methods with students and employees. The context of the situation guides which option I choose.
Asking questions is a sign of a desire to learn, and a healthy organizational culture means questions can be asked – by the leaders and by the members. In addition, healthy responses are modeled – by the leaders and by the members. As leaders, we often feel as though we have to have the answers; not having the answer reflects weakness or incompetence or not sharing the answers demonstrates a lack of care or laziness. Both of these perceptions are false and potentially create an unhealthy dynamic.
In Why Great Leaders Ask Questions, Jim Schleckser says that leaders “providing answers all the time isn’t scalable.” The leader becomes the “constraint to your organization's ability to grow” and while this may work in a small organization, the leader will eventually “become the limiting factor in how everything gets done (or not) because there’s only so many questions you can answer.”
Just like with toddlers, providing the answer isn’t the only option. Leaders should admit when they do not know the answer, and they can involve the employee in researching the question. Sometimes it’s best to turn the question back to the employee to better understand the employee’s perspective or to empower the employee to research and problem-solve on their own.
I have been in a leadership role where members often asked me questions related to process or policy. Documents with the information requested were readily available, yet I was being asked for the information. While I often provided the information, particularly upon the first request, I also learned to point the employees to the location where their answers could be found. I also asked questions as to whether they were aware of the available documents and then considered how the organization could communicate more effectively regarding this material.
In addition to being able to respond to questions, leaders also need to be willing to ask questions. One of the foundational principles of critical thinking is “good critical thinkers ask questions.” It certainly follows that we need leaders to engage in critical thinking, and as such, leaders need to be able and willing to ask meaningful questions. According to Schleckser, “By asking questions, you are also giving your team the opportunity to build up their own decision-making muscles when it comes to solving problems.”
Not being provided an immediate answer can be frustrating for the person asking the question. As an undergraduate, I studied applied math. One of the most difficult math courses I had was an upper-level course in advanced calculus. The professor for this course had a different teaching style. We were encouraged to ask questions related to our homework, but he never gave a direct answer. Instead, he asked us questions, providing clues as to the direction we should take. Was it sometimes frustrating? Yes! However, the discovery process led to us understanding the material in a much more meaningful way, and as a result, we were able to solve the problems on our own, without his direct help. As leaders, there are times when this approach is best for growing and developing our team and the organization.
Whether we are parenting, teaching, or leading, questions are an important part of our style. We have to be able to analyze the context, know our people, and decide when to answer, when to collaborate, and when to redirect with more questions. This is part of the development of a good leader. Consider establishing a leadership development plan or a coaching relationship – ABL Wise Consulting would love to help.
Sources: This is the Real Reasons Kids Ask ‘Why’ So Much – and What to Do About It by Emily Connor
